Through My Daughter’s Eyes
A talk with my daughter about happiness.
PUBLISHED: JANUARY 22, 2023
Fatherhood sometimes feels like I’m being introduced to myself all over again through my daughter.
And, if I’m being honest, that’s a very vulnerable place to be. Especially when it’s your responsibility to lead and to mold, but you find yourself in a position where you have to sit back and embrace an unexpected lesson from your own child. I know enough to know that I don’t know everything, and that wisdom can come from many places. So, even though I’m her father, I sometimes find myself on the receiving end of a lesson from my now seven-year-old, very inquisitive daughter.
The beautiful thing about parenthood is that sometimes our children often reflect back to us the best parts of ourselves — parts that we proudly claim. On the other hand, sometimes our children reflect back to us things we may not be proud of. Aspects of ourselves that might not be resolved within us internally. Because I know she’s always watching, I try to be mindful of what I show her. Because I’m aware of how she learns and internalizes things, I’m very intentional about the way I engage with her.
So, outside of conversations about her day or what she learned at school, we also talk about history…about art… and about philosophy. To know me is to know that deep conversations are my love language. And truth be told, it’s sometimes refreshing to hear the perspective of the unjaded.
One Saturday morning, during our weekly daddy-daughter day, I decided to have a conversation with my daughter about happiness…and here’s how it went.
E— On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you today?
N—Um, I would say a nine.
E—Lol. Nine? Why not a ten?
N—I would usually say a ten, but because I had to leave the trampoline park early today, I’m at a nine right now.
E—Ha! Gotcha.
E—I noticed that when you’re really (really) happy, you do a lot of singing and dancing around the house. Have you noticed that about yourself?
N— I think so...
E—Yeah, it’s almost like you’re free. Is that what you feel when you’re happy?
N— Yeah. Happiness kinda makes me feel like I just want to do even more fun things that make me even more happy.
E—That makes a lot of sense.
E—If you had to explain happiness to someone, what would you say?
N—I’d say happiness is doing something that you like or something that makes you feel good.
E—Yeah? What are some of the things you do to make yourself happy?
N—I like doing stuff like drawing, singing, coloring, dancing, and playing with my family. It makes me feel good.
N—And talking with you. I like doing that.
E—For real?
N—Yeah.
E—Oh, ok. I appreciate that. I like doing that as well.
E— Did you know that being your father brings me joy?
N—Yes, lol.
E—I mean it…it means a lot to me. Seeing you grow up to be the little girl that you are makes me feel very happy and very lucky.
N—Umm hmm.
E—You know, sometimes I wonder if I’m doing a good job at being your dad.
N— Yeah, you are.
E—Yeah?
N— Yeah.
E—That’s good to know.
E—What would you say is the one thing I do that makes you the most happy?
N—I’ll say when we play superheroes and when we playfight. And you make me laugh when you blow in my arm pits and tickle me a lot.
E—That’s a lot of fun huh?
N—Yeah.
E— You know what’s my greatest hope for you?
N—What?
E— My greatest hope for you is that, as you get older, you learn that your happiness is in your control.
E—You know (like) how doing your homework and making good grades is your responsibility?
N—Um. Hm.
E—Making sure you’re happy is also your responsibility. It’s something that you (yourself) must always protect.
N— Yeah.
E—Have I ever made you sad?
N—Not really…but sometimes.
N—Like when I get in trouble. I don’t really like it.
E—When you’re sad, how does it feel to you?
N—My heart gets blue, and I just want to be alone and think about what I did…and try to think about good things.
N—Also, sometimes, when I’m sad, I feel like I’m not good enough even though I am.
E—I understand what you’re saying. But never let your mistakes make you doubt or define who you are. You’re a beautiful little girl.
E—We all make mistakes. I make mistakes too. But, the most important thing to do is to learn the lesson and try make things right as soon as you can. From there, it’s all about just moving on.
N—Yeah.
E— Growing up, anytime I felt sad, I felt like I had to sometimes hold it in.
E— But with you, I want you to know that anytime you feel sad, you can tell me. Even if it’s because of me or something I did.
N—Umm. Hmm.
E—Because what I learned is that the sooner you speak about it, the sooner you start to feel better.
N—Um. Hm.
E—Have you ever realized that your happiness sometimes makes other people happy?
N— Yeah.
E—And how does that make you feel?
N— It makes me feel good because I’m making someone else feel happy. And it makes me feel good that I’m doing something nice.
E— Sometimes, seeing you doing the things that make you happy reminds me to do the same.
N—Umm. Hmm.
E—What advice do you have for me in making sure I’m happy?
N— Don’t hold things in. And like I always say, just do what you know makes you happy.
N— If someone makes you sad, don’t listen to them and do your own thing.
E—That simple huh?
N— Yeah.
